Comments

Is friendship learning?

Is friendship learning?


Recently I was surprised to hear a boy of about 4-5 years old who said to me very convinced: "The cat and the dog had learned to be friends". It was for the first time when I heard the words "learn" and "friend" next to each other. Learning to be a friend - here is the topic we will talk about today! More precisely ... I will tell you what I think, what I feel, what I have met and then I will wait for your reactions, opinions and thoughts ...
Is friendship learned? I was wondering ... how to learn the board of multiplication or poetry, as we teach our children to dress alone, to make orders or to skate? Then he reminded me that I had read that love is learned and "making love" is learned and the question "HOW?" How do we learn to make love, how do we learn to be friends, how do we teach our children to be friends?
Maybe the word "learn" confuses us, being used to use it for lessons. Of course, the cat and the puppy in the boy's story had not taken "friendship lessons". However, the child noticed, consciously or not, the effort made by the two animals - enemies in most cases to make the step towards friendship.
Maybe, in fact, it is a step rather than a learning, a step we take when we are young or as adults, when we feel alone and we are looking for friends. Let's not forget that Little Prince went to other planets to look for friends!
We often hear parents saying, "We would like our little boy to have friends." Then he adds that for them ... "We don't have to because ... we are too busy!" And then we wonder if a child can find out what a friend is, even if his parents don't show him.
Of course, there are children who easily become friends. I go to the park and in an hour I make some friends. Friends for that day. Tomorrow will surely be others! However, since the age of 3, children remember and ask other children, keep their names and even go to the park to meet them. But kindergarten is the first place you start making friends because you meet the same colleagues every day. Some will become friends, others not, depending on affinities, matches, tastes, common pleasures. However, there are children who have no friends in kindergarten or school. Everyone stays at the stage of their colleagues. No one gets closer, does not share his secrets, does not ask for help, does not tell him how he feels. It is about reaching a certain degree of intimidation both in children and in adults.
When a person becomes us friend? When we trust him ... When we hold on to him ... When we connect different things ... When we find similarities ... When we like what we feel coming from him. If all this is true, what would it mean to "learn friendship?" "to learn to be friends?" or "to teach our children to be friends?" ... as the cat and the puppy learned!

  • Maybe we can learn to look similarities with the others rather than differences ...
  • Maybe we have more trust in the others ...
  • Maybe we can help our child to trust himself, in his own strengths, to be independent, to go to other planets to look for friends ...
  • Maybe we have enough patience to get to know the other ...
  • enough desire to find out how other people are, like or different from us ...
  • enough curiosity and interest, enough courage to make the move to unknown people ... who will become so close that we will call them FRIENDS.
    Anca Munteanu
    Psychologist - Child psychology
    C.P.A.P.