When it comes to raising and educating children, opinions and advice differ so much that you feel that no matter what you do, everything is wrong. Every child is different, just as every parent is different. It is the relationship with your child that defines its development, therefore your decisions must relate to it.
1. Spend time with your child daily
If you have more children, schedule your time so that you dedicate at least 10 minutes to each child, each day. You can call these special minutes "time with Alex" or "time with Joan", depending on the children's names, so that they know it's just about them. Decide, by rotation, what to do together. Today it is the child's turn to choose the activity, tomorrow it will be your turn.
Regardless of the activity chosen, focus your attention on the child, with all your heart. Make sure the other family members have a concern and that your phone is set aside. Interact with the child as much as possible, listening to their opinions and ideas. Mistakes should not take up more than 10% of your time. Otherwise, the child may feel discouraged.
2. Control your own emotions first and foremost
Regardless of the problem your child faces (low grades at school, temperamental outings or refusal to eat at dinner) try to calm yourself down, before having a discussion with him. Even if you feel you need to intervene urgently, this is often not a problem that needs to be remedied immediately. Take a deep breath and retire to your room to calm yourself down. Only in this way will you succeed in being the good and wise parent your child needs.
3. Leave room for communication when you set boundaries
If you yell at the kid in the kitchen to pick up his lego pieces and go to bed, you haven't solved anything. Go to his room, let yourself easily come and see what he does. Start a short conversation and show your appreciation and admiration for what he has created. Then gently remind her that it's time to sleep. When you show empathy, it is more likely that the child will cooperate and respect the rules.
4. It does not end a conversation in an authoritarian way
When the child tells you he or she hates math and doesn't want to go to school anymore, it doesn't necessarily mean it's difficult. The intense emotions he displays denotes that something is happening with him. If you order him to do his homework and close the door after you, he may understand that you don't care about his feelings and that you don't love him. Instead, show him that you are concerned about his problem. Tell him that you noticed that he doesn't like math and that you want to tell him the reasons. This approach helps your child feel safe and open in front of you.
5. Allow her to cry
One of your responsibilities as a parent is to help your child cope with the emotions they are trying. Sometimes, managing emotions involves downloading through crying. Many parents live with the feeling that they have to calm their child down quickly, if he or she starts crying. In fact, it is the exact opposite. It is important to teach your children that intense emotions, such as pain and anger, are not dangerous.
If you have noticed an aggressive attitude towards your child, give yourself a minute to get rid of your own irritation and calm down. Then show him compassion and empathy.
It is your duty to help your child express his negative feelings in a constructive manner. Take him in his arms, if you feel that he needs to calm down. If it is too difficult for him to express himself in words, you can help him by speaking gently to him: "Ooof, Lord, I see that you are very upset. I am sorry that you are so difficult." Your loving voice will most likely make to cry, but that's why he needs it.
6. Make him laugh as much as possible
Children need to laugh until their stomach hurts. Laughter helps them to feel safe and to overcome the moments of temporary separation more easily. Before you leave for school or when you have to leave them with a good time, make sure you have some fun with them. That way, they will feel connected to you, regardless of the physical distance between you.
7. Avoid power struggles
As a parent, you are always told that you must be responsible, and your children should do what you tell them. The problem is that no one has anything to gain from a fight for power, so don't be fooled into showing them who the boss is. For example, if your child refuses to come to the table, telling you that he or she is not hungry, think about the real needs involved. Maybe he is not hungry. And after all, the end of the world will not come if it fails one hour later.
8. Don't take it personally
If your child is upset and angry, it has nothing to do with you, so it is not the case to attack. If you respond rashly, show them that you understand why they are behaving like this, saying, for example: “Well, we don't use such words as usual. You have to be very upset if you talk to me like that. " In this way, you avoid escalating the conflict and open the way of dialogue, as a means of solving the problem.
9. Help your child learn self-discipline
Self-discipline means giving up what you want for something you want more. It is essential to explain this to a child as he or she grows up. If you want to be good at something, you have to learn to deal with it in difficult times. If the train tracks do not match or if the puzzle pieces do not match, empathize with his frustration and encourage him to persevere.
10. Never stop your child from playing
It is true that you cannot always follow this rule, but always try to remember that the game is the child's creation. If he likes to do something so much that he gets lost in that activity, be sure it's about passion. He will need it, in order to be successful in life, as an adult.
Tags Modern parenting Parenting Raising wonderful children Educating children Parent-child relationship